Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Randomize
