your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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