he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
