Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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