so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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