im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
