I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
