you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
