can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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