An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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