i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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