I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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