I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
