P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
