I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
