I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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