just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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