I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize