I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize