Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
