I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize