I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
