they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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