He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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