Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
