I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
