break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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