We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
