Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
