oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
