I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
