It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize