i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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