But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize