awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
