I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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