in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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