I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
