Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
