Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
