Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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