Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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