They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
