Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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