i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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