I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
