Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
