dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
