i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
