My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
