So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
