I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
