A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
