then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
