at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize