Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
