Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize