Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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