I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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