I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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