Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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