What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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